SO confused!

i officially didn't get what i came for. my mission of yesterday failed. it really doesn't matter all that much, except for that both dumb, nosy missions like yesterday's, and real, honest missions, like i don't know, GREASE, have been failing. i like something is missing in my life. yet i'm happy, truly happy. i'm always tired, but that doesn't make life very different than it usually is. it's not my social life. i have the social life that i always wished i had. it's not my parents, to who i expressed how i was worried that i was disconnecting from them. we had our mental health day on 4th of july that we've all been needing. it's not even the players involved in yesterday's mission. it's...."you." and actually, it's not just....."you." it's not like we don't talk. it's my lack of a project!! i know i sound like a broken record. should i just sit back and enjoy myself, let everyone else plan projects for me? i've gone back a couple of summers and i've realized that i've had a project for most of those, what with camp counseling and being in summerstock. no wonder i never feel like i'm on vacation...but that's what i like. the office was so busy today in the morning...and i LOVED it. i felt so...empowered. the phone kept ringing, Margaret kept firing stuff at me to do, and customers kept showing up to pay bills. i didn't just feel empowered...i felt resourceful. i decided that i like Studying Under Pressure, despite how crazy i get. i feel, well, empowered and resourceful. (EDIT: couldn't think of any more adjectives.)

for everyone who is waiting for me to Burn Out....you can leave the theatre now. put down your popcorn. get a refund for this flick. it's NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.