stars shining right above you...night breezes seem to whisper 'i love you'...

birds singing in the sycamore tree...dream a little dream of me <3

1) my new northface is HERE and i'm wearing it right now.

2) Jamie is way cool. and doesn't think i'm crazy!!

3) my father is amazing.

4) so is somebody else.......<3

5) i'm seeing Gauri TOMORROW!!!!!!!!

6) in case i haven't said this before (and i know i have)...THERE IS ONLY ONE DAY LEFT IN THE WORST MONTH OF THE YEAR.

i haven't been this happy in a long time. :-)

does anyone know the answer to the meaning of life??

or at least, how to be in two places at once??

in the movie A Walk To Remember, Mandy Moore's character Jamie says that she always wished that she could be in two places at once. Jamie's boyfriend takes her to the state line and has her place one foot in each state, thereby being in two places at once. i so wish it was that simple. life would be so much easier if i....a) didn't think so much (yes, that IS a facebook group), b) wasn't so emotional, and most importantly, c), if i could be in two places at once. everyone and their brothers is filling up the month of March (which, might i add, happens the day after tomorrow and will end February for another year. can i get an Amen?) and everything is happening on the same few days. it's at home while i'm on break, and it's here at Salve. i can't sing in the madrigals cabaret dinner because it's one of the same nights as the campus ministry retreat...which i was determined to be involved with this semester. it was the main reason why i didn't audition for Hay Fever in April. i couldn't go on the fall retreat because of Maccers rehearsal. according to some, i desperately need a retreat.

but scheduling conflicts aren't the only reason why i want to be in two places at once. i don't want to go home right now. i like it here. but i want to be home too. this double life thing is really exhausting. whenever i'm in one place i miss whoever is part of my life at the other place. i would like to just combine it, somehow. and yet i don't want to be one of those people who goes home every weekend. i live too far away for that, but i also have gotten closer to people as a result of not going home too often. i can't wait to drive my car and sleep in my bed and not eat stupid frozen dinners for almost two weeks. yet that person, the person who i can't get out of my head, probably because he's supposed to be there, is here. i hope he stays a while and doesn't go anywhere anytime soon. i've honestly never felt like this before about anyone and it scares me a lot.

i'm going to visit Gauri this weekend!!!!!!! we're going to see 'Anything Goes' and reminisce about the old days. that will make me feel as though, just maybe, i can be in two places at the same time.

hold on one sec, i'm on my hamburger phone.

check this out:


www.thehamburgerphone.com

yes, you can BUY your own HAMBURGER PHONE from JUNO which should have won best picture.

yea, i'm cool enough to give a free ad for the hamburger phone people. but i <3 Juno that much.

wow, i'm an even bigger dork than i thought i was.

: : there are better things to come: :

it was SO nice to go home. actually from thursday to now has been really good. i'm thinking i could maybe be a bit happier sometimes. apparently it's all in your attitude. maybe i'm starting to get that. don't think that my blog is suddenly going to have a garden scene on it, but hey, it's a start.

i went to Wilton with Dani on friday and my mom picked me up there, just because it was a shorter drive for her. 95 closely resembled a parking lot when we were near the Bronx but we made it back home by 6:45. and it was so, so good to be there, with my shower and my dog and my car and my bed. i honestly know a big part of why i have a really hard time going back to Salve after a break- i hate my room. i love K dearly, and thank goodness it has nothing to do with her. i hear roomate horror stories. but our room is so....miniscule. even when it's clean, it seems cluttered. my room at home was one of the most welcome sights...ever. my dad went and picked up take out while i showered (WITHOUT FLIP FLOPS!) and then we ate around our own dinner table like a normal family. i love going out to eat, but sometimes even i like eating at home, especially when you haven't been there in a while. i then went over to Jaclyn's and we played guitar hero for a while. i absolutely ADORE guitar hero- i kind of want a game console just so i can play it regularly. i was able to get to bed by 12:45, earlier on the weekend than during the week. amazing.

on Saturday i got my hair cut, then did some homey errands around Locust Valley, then went and picked up Bevin. we met my mom at the Roslyn theatre and we FINALLY saw Juno, which was amazing. after the movie we went home and piled in the car to go to...NYC! we ate at Ellen's with my aunt and uncle, which could be my new fav place. Bevin slept over and we went to bed at a reasonable hour, for us anyway. Sunday i got to go to choir, then after Mass i had lunch with Molly and Greg, which was really great. went home, visited my grandmother from my dad's side in her rehab home. she's been sick for a while and i was pretty glad to see her looking better. we doubled back and met my grandma (yes, two grandmas in one day) and Andy for dinner at La Ginestra. another great day at home :-) today i essentially wondered where the hell the weekend went before we headed back to Salve. my parents and i had dinner and now i'm back.

i really hope that this will be a better week. it's not about Salve, because i know that i made the right college choice. i'm dreading going back to the grind. my mom said to me before, 'think of the satisfaction that you get after working hard for those grades!' i barely feel it anymore. a good grade constitutes relief, that i can have fun for another couple of days until the next test comes along. a bad grade means that i'm, well, sometimes it feels like i'm no good.

i REALLY need to change my attitude. i'm working it, i promise. i really am. i can't believe how many people have stood by me in spite of my unreasonable attitude.

i need to add one side note.......wait for it.....THE WGA STRIKE IS OVER! HOUSE ISN'T DEAD!!!!! even though i have to wait for him for a few more months, at least he'll be BACK!!!! *does victory dance*

survey stolen from Wilson...er, Dani.

1. last cigarette:
nah i don't do that shit

2. last beverage:
Water (?)

3. last phone call:
mater

4. last text message:
Jaclyn i think

5. last CD played:
Oh Lord, I don't know....I haven't listened to a CD in a while

6: last BUBBLE bath?
oh who knows.

7:. last time you cried:
er..yesterday.

8. last meal:
quesadilla and guacamole from Miley caf

1. have you ever dated someone twice?:
yea kind of

2. have you ever been cheated on?:
no no

3. have you ever kissed someone & regretted it?:
no

4. have you ever fallen in love?:
um.

5. have you ever lost someone?:
Yes

6. have you ever been depressed?
yes

7. have you ever been drunk and threw up? :
Thankfully, no

SIX things you did in the past three days:
1. class
2. shower
3. slept
4. talked on the phone
5. homework
5. AIM

list EIGHT people you can tell pretty much anything to Not in any order
1. my mom
2. Bevin
3. Ari
4. Dani
5. Gina
6. Alex
7. Gauri
8. Mrs. Johnson

list THREE favorite colors
1. pink
2. black
3. silver

list THREE things you want to do before you die
1. adopt children
2. have people pay to hear me sing
3. lose weight

This month have you...
Laughed until you cried:
i think so. yesterday.

Went behind your parents back:
i also don't do that either.

Found out who your true friends were:
yup

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT:
1.Marriage or shacking up?
marriage def

2. Gay Marriage?
equal rights across the board and legal partnerships but not define marriage in the eyes of the government in the homo or heterosexual sense. both are 'civil unions.'

3. Lowering the drinking age?
actually, i'm kind of a prohibitionist. or a dinosaur, if you'd like to call me that.

4. Who are the best huggers that you know?
Ann, my mom, Erinne

5. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Not really. I believe in attraction at first sight, but love takes more than that

6. Is there something you want to tell someone?
kind of BURNING to do so actually, but i'm afraid to.

7. What brand of shirt are you wearing?
no idea??

8. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?:
YES...see #6

9. How many kids do you want to have?
3 to 5

10. Do you wanna change your name?:
maybe legally to Gracie but probably not.

11. Last time you saw your father?
the sunday before last

12. What did you do for your last birthday?
er...went to Mass, my choir sang to me, went out with Bevin and my mom and my grandmother because my dad had a stomach flu. worst birthday ever. then again the week before my parents came to NPT and took me and my Salve friends out. that was great.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night:
reading for English 150. gr.

14. Name something you CANNOT wait to do:
GO HOME on FRIDAY, see a certain person.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. honestly, how many people have you had "strong" feelings for?
hm. two and a half. don't ask. one right now actually.

2. honestly, what color is your underwear?
white (?)

3. honestly, what's on your mind?
see the most recent #1. and the shitty weather.

4. honestly, what are you doing right now?
this/listening to itunes

5. honestly, do you think you are attractive?
eh no.

6. honestly, have you done something bad today?
i'm not one for that either.

7. honestly, do you watch wild n' out?
Nope

8. honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
The Last Girl Who Wrote On His Wall. and that's it.

9. honestly, what makes you happy?
my parents, my cousins, my friends, my dog, my grandma, good pictures, and good grades.

10. honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
YES YES YES YES

11. honestly, do you have deep secrets?
yea kind of

12. honestly, when was the last time you have been to texas?
when i was like 6 ish

13. honestly, are you mean?
nah. sarcastic describes it better.

14. honestly, where would you rather be right now?
with him

15. honestly, do you like someone?
haven't you picked that up yet?

16. honestly, who was the last person to text you and what did they say?
Bevin, she said 'double squee'

17. honestly, is there anything currently annoying you?
this damn it to hell WEATHER

18. honestly, what was the last thing you ate?
miley meal

19. honestly, do you shower?
yea

20. honestly, are you desparate?
i dont think so

21. honestly, ever made anyone cry?
i don't wanna talk about it.

22. honestly, have you ever cried over someone?
Yes

23. honestly, when was the last time you really cried your heart out?
yesterday, probably

24. honestly, have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
Yup

25. honestly, when was the last time you hugged someone?
yesterday

26. honestly, what was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed?
don't know

27. honestly, are you normally a happy person?
no

28. honestly, are you annoying to people?
haha yes

29. honestly, is cheating acceptable?
absolutely never.

30.honestly, have you hugged a girl this week?
Yes

31. honestly, are you a relationship person?
right now i am!!

Gene Kelly is wrong...there is nothing fun about singing in the rain.

i think it's been raining for two days. no joke. :-( what a great two days for someone who recently discovered that she may really have seasonal affective disorder. i will say this, i have the most amazing friends in the world. my emotions are raw as they always in february due to traumatic experiences and due to seasonal affective disorder. not to mention an added emotion that up until now i've never felt before because i didn't come to college planning to fall for anyone. and through it all, my friends aren't going anywhere. Claire and Rachel whipped me into shape and yet they still love me. Bevin was listening to 'umbrella' last night and she told me that i'd always be under her umbrella because she'd always be there for me. Dani continues to be Wilson. Ann knows how to get me to smile. Gauri makes me laugh and laugh and laugh and remember all of the good old days. if i were them, i would have cut me out by now. i didn't realize how mad at the world i'd gotten. i still am, i guess, but i also was never one of those 'live laugh love' kind of people and now i think maybe i should be. i could possibly take some time for myself instead of worrying about shit all of the time. and my parents are in it because they care. the amount of time that my mother spends on the phone with me is uncanny, mainly because i can trust her completely. she's a saint, my mother. she's seen me at my worst and she hasn't dropped me at the roadside for the stork to take back with him.

i still, however, LOATHE this weather.

i also have to deal with what i'm going to do about My Person. i just can't help myself.......i think i'm falling for him.

when did i become an insomniac?

once again, February continues to suck. i probably got a sum total of 18-24 hours of sleep this entire WEEK. i didn't get to go to snoball because by the time that i figured out i was going stag there were no more tickets. and on Friday, Rachel was in the ER at Newport Hospital and we all piled into Dani's car at midnight-ish to head over there. Ann and Claire both had their best friends from home visiting. during the day on Friday, Claire, Rachel, Jenna and i went to pick up Claire's friend, Amy, in providence and we had a really good time and then i went to see American Gangster in wakey with Ann and Terin and Andrea and Ann's friend Ashley. i got the call about Rachel from Claire just as i came back from the movie. the movie, however, was really good despite needing an hour to figure out what the hell was going on. my friends pretty much forced me to leave the ER after we'd stayed an hour. Erinne had brought Rachel so she was the only one who could go in and see her. i didn't actually make it to bed until 2:30, after Claire and Amy had returned and knocked on my door to tell me that Rachel was ultimately okay. i had to be up in six hours.

saturday- i took the bus to Massachusetts to see Gabby. my aunt and uncle were there and they brought me back to Salve about an hour ago. i slept for about ten hours. i don't know if i've ever been so tired. \-0 it's all because of What it Means to be Human, because we've only had three weeks of classes and already we've finished Ragtime, we've had not one but two quizzes, we had to do a presentation, and i have to write a little 'newspaper article'...for tomorrow. i also spend unGodly hours on the phone with Bevin and Michelle and with my mother (not like i mind) and on the computer with Gauri (sometimes she's a phone call too) and with Dani (despite her being a two minute drive away) and with Shane and sometimes with Frank. they assist me in the art of procrastinating. hehe.

it's a little bit funny, this feeling inside

i'm not one of those who can easily hide. <3

something bad always happens in February. three of the worst times of my life (though the first time i didn't realize how bad it was) all happened in February. the fact that it's one of the coldest and darkest months, Christmas is really not coming back for a long, long time, it's supposed to feel like the shortest month but i swear it's the longest, and throw Valentine's day in there (or single's awareness day...haha Dani...) February is the worst month. Ever. however, i hope last night defied all preconseived notions about February. i'm floating on a cloud.

what's meant to be will always find it's way.