faith, trust, and...well, maybe we don't need pixie dust.

WOW. TWO DAYS UPDATING IN A ROW. I'M ON A ROLL.
or maybe i'm just procrastinating REALLY badly.

Sometimes people show up in our lives to teach us something....or, to show us that there is still reason to believe in somthing. Case specifically, that not everyone is the same. Not everyone that you trust instantaneously is going to wind up stabbing you in the back. You CAN let your guard down. It's OKAY. You're SAFE. Maybe I don't have to hate the entire human race just because of the poor dealings of a few people. Maybe people are basically good.

I saw this quote once on a facebook bumper sticker, of all places; it said something along the lines of how 'she's so afraid to hold on to anyone, because anyone who said that they'll never leave....left.' I know how that feels. I realized that I live in fear of being abandoned by people who mean something to me. But I don't have to be afraid. They're not going anywhere.

Not to say that I'll never be hurt again. Because I will be. I'm only TWENTY years old and I have a lifetime ahead of me to meet and lose people. But maybe, just maybe, I can learn to trust more than I ever have. Also not to say that I'll change overnight. Because I won't.

...but just one reassuring voice, telling me that they're not going anywhere, when I didn't even have to say anything first, may mean more to me than it does to most people. The voice in my head that screamed "LIAR" actually shut up and the tears of separation sadness did not fall.

All I have to do is TRUST.

the best problem to have

I did not update this for the entire month of August....

...mainly because I was having too much of a blast. This has been one of the best summers OF MY LIFE. especially since it started out with me in such a rut.

And now I have the age old problem....idontwanttogobackbutiwanttostayherebutimissmyfriendsandiwanttogobacksoWHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST BE IN ONE PLACE?

yeah. same old thing. now I just laugh at it. but what's different is that last summer, I did not have NEW friends which I was so not expecting. whenever I say that I don't need new friends, tell me to shut up. because I was so pleasantly surprised to see what doors new friends can open up for me. more memories, more adventures, more that I'd ever IMAGINED. and not like the old friends were just gone...because they weren't. not to mention that I even got to see my Salve loves because I took multiple road trips!

I am so, so blessed.

Dear Summer 09:

In spite of having royally sucked in the beginning, you have massively turned things around for me and I can't thank you enough for that.

I AM HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE.


love,
Gracie

*walks off singing Havin' a Hunch*

lazy lazy lazy!

lack of updating is unacceptable. LOL

so...i am no longer lost. after being mopey all through June, i decided about two weeks ago that i still have a lot of summer to look forward to. i am not even half way through yet. i have been on summer break for fifty two days and i have sixty days until i go back to Salve. two weeks ago i was wishing for that to get here sooner. now i am happy to be here again.

i felt for a bit like my social life was non-existant due to my participation in Seussical. but...i just have to reach out more. i just have to balance it all. i'm not working every day. i can manage it.

so....a few highlights from the summer, so far:

* florida trip with the other family. awesomeness.
* going to DSW with Sam and putting up old JCC pics
* helping Frank get his theatre company up and running again
* meeting Elizabeth and Jessica at work
* when K came to visit and me and her and Bevin washed Sparky and then went to the fair
* that epic diner night with Frank and Sam
* spending two days at the Greek Festival with Bevin and Michelle
* Father's Day and Riley's Birthday
* adventures with Gauri!!
* aimless driving with Sam until crazy hours of the morning
* visiting the JCC!!!!
* going to see Rock of Ages with Glynnis!!!!
* Bevin's Grad Weekend!
* MARYLAND AND DC TRIP!!!!!! with the cousins
* yesterday, at work...getting rosary beads that were BLESSED BY THE POPE from Suzanne :-)
* having deep convos with Elizabeth when we're supposed to be doing work
* Alex's shower
* celebrating Alex's birthday and graduation from nursing school
* seeing choir peoples
* discovering Glee, which unfortunately doesn't start until September
* working through a few things...but not letting that bother me.
* getting my new camera and a lot of new stuffffff
* the usual routine with Allie and Ari
* actually going to the gym
* and nothing like a surprise dinner with the rents at La Pace.

and....stuff i'm massively looking forward to:


* Ann's grad party and spending this sunday at my WIFEY'S!!!!
* more great Seussical rehearsals, like tonight's.
* hell week/show week/cast party
* GOING TO RHODE ISLAND IN NINE DAYS AND STAYING AT ALLI'S!!!!!! love love love
* my Silpada jewelry party, this Friday
* State Farm Staff Appreciation Dinner
* seeing my faves in the summerstock show and the afterparties ^_^
* choir party, hopefully
* hopefully going to Raleigh to see cousins again
* hopefully meeting two very special newborns :-)
* JOURNEY CONCERT in August!!!!! i may just drool and cry at the sight of Steve Perry.

all i can say is.....



this is SO NOT LIKE ME!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????!!!!!

not this again...

i can't hang on anymore
to what i thought we had.

i float on through the everyday charade
but my head explodes with hurt.

now i'm far from where you are
but even when i was near
you never came.

do you regret it now?
do you miss me when i'm gone?
do you even give a shit?
HOW WOULD I KNOW?
it's almost as though i don't know you anymore...or maybe i never really did.

it takes a rare breed
to drive me to this level
of what feels like insanity

i'm too tired to sleep
i'm too drained to think anymore
my mind plays like a broken record on auto-pilot
and i'm just in my own fog.

but maybe the end of this
is the most sane deed
that i will ever do.

home sweet home?

i don't remember the last time i felt so lost.

i mean, it's not even like i'm not happy. and when i'm with my friends, i'm happy. i've been seeing people all week who i have not seen in FOREVER and it's been AWESOME. they distract me from what i'm really thinking about.

but when i'm by myself i go into these deep thinking modes and i pull out old pictures and think about who i used to be. i guess being home reminds me of that person. i saw a lot of my old jewelry tonight and i remembered where i wore certain jewelry. it was so, so weird and i felt old.

i just found a crapload of pics from junior and senior year mostly and it's so strange to think about how long ago that was.

i miss my Salve loves SO SO SO much, more than i did last summer. i'm on AIM almost every night just to talk to them. but i'm seeing Glynnis on Sunday! YAY!!!!

and what i really want to talk about......i can't.

when is IT going to go away? when will i stop reminiscing? when will the feelings pass? and then i hear "Don't Stop Believing..."

.....and i am WAY confused.