for your reading pleasure

i wrote this during class today...after the professor said that people who stand alone on their values don't last.

i straight up looked at him and said, "you'd be surprised how many do."

and then i wrote this:

try to last when no one's on your side
on your own
without those people you thought
would ALWAYS be there.
stand up there all alone
on a premise
so afraid
but unflailing
or so it seems.
because you're willing
to go to the ends of the earth
for what you think and feel is right.
and while you're not truly alone
you feel like no one understands.
eventually, you're rewarded
for sticking it out.
OUTPLAY.
OUTLAST.
if you can't convince them, CONFUSE THEM.

what's the answer?

so we had this crazy discussion in class today about whether or not life is fair.

and guess what. life isn't fair. but for the most part, it's been fair to me. yet...what did i do to deserve that? how did i get to be one of the lucky ones? i mean...it hasn't been a bed of roses. but i honestly can't think of any life i'd rather have than my own. the only person i ever wanted to be for a day is my mother.

sure, i'd love to get handed one of those dream fastpasses at Disney where you can go on any ride you want and cut the line as many times in one day as you wish. i'd love to get handed a shopping spree for some crazy amount of money. but after so much studying of consumerism and after hearing about the awful things that go on in sweat shops, so much of that stuff isn't important. i know i place a lot of emphasis around material goods and part of me says that i just can't help myself. but maybe i can.

if i take away everything in my life that needs money, i think i'd still be happy. now as much as we all say that money can't buy happiness, i think it certainly helps to buy memories. i can't, or should i say that i don't want to think about what my life would be like without those awesome days spent in the city with my parents (like this past weekend when i went home!). and i love the convienence of having my car here at Salve now. as much as it's for convienience, so many memories are made in the car!!!! but...i think of other people's lives and i realize just how lucky i am.

sometimes everyone has to complain and whine about their life. i had my moment last week. that moment is over. no more whining for a while because i think everything is pretty much back to normal and i filled my whining quota for the next three months all in a week! right now, i have so much work to do before going home for spring break but i tell myself that it will get done. i know i'll feel overwhelmed, but i always land on my feet.

onward!

*sigh*

just to put this out there:

i don't know if i've ever been so tired in my life. i've gone to bed at 3am every night for the past two weeks, with the exception of one or two nights.

i have a psych test tomorrow and yet another crazy busy day. i almost fell asleep in class and in mads practice.

friday can't get here soon enough.

honestly?

is it ONLY february 8th?

can this month PLEASE speed up? NOW?

i feel like all i've done is whine and guess what...i'm gonna whine here too.

i need to catch a break. i am so, so tired and i guess i'm emotionally drained.

but i'm always. always. always okay. because that's just life. and sometimes you just have to ignore it and go on pretending.

i know i'll be happy. in fact i was happy the past two days.

just how much more will it take
for me to fall apart
to pieces
and shatter like glass?

but what's done is done
nothing can be taken back
it's nothing i can stop
it's just the world.