dance the night away.

i could, quite possible, be starting to find myself. don't hold me to anything though...i may be turning into one of those LIVE LAUGH LOVE people who puts all of those philospophical quotes about living EACH day as though it were the last day of our lives! despite my usual hint of sarcasm, i'm starting to think it may be true. this isn't like me-i'm cynical, sarcastic, and i hate cliches. but cliches suddenly don't seem so cliche anymore. they seem...romantic. i'm not nearly as cynical as i once was...if i'm cynical at all anymore since college completely changed my life. as for sarcasm...well, it's a part of me and would you love me any other way?

i just have so many reasons to be happy.
1) i maintained an acceptable GPA even by my standards.
2) i just saw VAN HALEN in concert. and i'm seeing BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN with my wifey in July.
3) i'm a music major. therefore, i have a good voice.
4) i just started a new job. and it's actually fab.
5) my Salve friends are amazing.
6) i've been seeing my old friends who i've missed.
7) my parents are hysterical and supportive.
8) my car doesn't drink up gas all that quickly!
9) i love children.
10)i get to go to NYC again on Sunday after a Mass that i'm going to love.

AND!! the Yankees are even starting to play like the Yankees again!!!!

a two part post

1) POOR WILSON!!!! after three ex-Mrs. Wilsons' he has to lose Amber? SERIOUSLY? and now he has to hate House? there is no end to the injustice that takes place at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. House almost gave his own life to save Amber. isn't that worth something? though the part that made everyone cry was that note, 'sorry i'm not here, went to pick up House' ....dry eyes were rare tonight. though i loved the moment at the end when Foreman sat down in a booth in a restaurant and Cameron and Chase showed up, like old times, like paying homage to seasons one through three. there was even a scene at some point during one of those seasons (too tired to recall now) where House sits down in a booth with them in almost exactly the same setting. the worst injustice of all? the fact that it was the SEASON FINALE...no House all summer. TEAR.

2) the late night poet strikes again. so here goes nothing.

you're so blind
to what i see
because through my eyes
i see a you and me
that we could be.
maybe you see too
maybe you don't
maybe we share nothing
maybe this is something else
to add to that long list of opposites....
but opposites attract.
i still want there to be
a you and me
but your eyes look elsewhere
not even your glasses can correct that poor vision.

i miss you every day. <3

i wish i could apparate. random harry potter reference.

good first week. mani/pedi, highlights, the usual. starbucks, and my biffers. driving around aimlessly. YAY. choir practice. double YAY. AIDS walk tomorrow. more YAY.

i just really, really miss my Salve friends.

and...i need to do another song dedication. i'm just glad that this day didn't come a few years ago because i would have been a total wreck. i'm not looking for any more gratitude than i already received. i never do nice things for the "thank-yous."

i can't waste time so give it a moment
i realize that nothing's broken
no need to worry about everything i've done
lived every second like it was my last one.
don't look back, got a new direction
i loved you once, needed protection
you're still a part of everything i do
you're on my heart just like a tattoo
just like a tattoo
i'll always have you.

explain to me why life goes by so fast.

so, i'm no longer freshmeat. that's good and bad i suppose. i feel...old. i don't mean my parents old, but i'm the same age as a girl that i used to baby-sit for when i baby-sat FOR her. i told Shane that i was feeling old...and he said "well, how do you think I feel?" he makes a point, after having been DONE with college for a year (so not looking forward to that). doesn't mean that i don't feel...old!

the calendar is the same as it was when i was in eighth grade aka the most amazing school year. it makes me feel like eighth grade was literally yesterday, even though it was five years ago and my cousin Trish is five now. she was born the night before i left for Washington, DC in eighth grade and i feel like she was just born and Mer was just pregnant for her...five years later, she's getting ready for kindergarten, Mer also had Joseph, my parents are married for 25 years, Uncle Joe and Alex are engaged, and I JUST FINISHED MY FIRST YEAR OF COLLEGE. where, oh where, did the time go?

i wasn't exactly too keen on going home because going home meant saying..goodbye. but i'll say that it went over well. it really, really did. we ran into Rachel and her dad in ocean coffee roasters on saturday morning before we left to come back to NY. we got back around 4:30 ish, to the driveway all decorated by Lexi, my neighbor, that same girl who i used to baby-sit for who's going to be starting HIGH SCHOOL next year...i sat for her when she was six and i was twelve. my parents left me balloons and my grandmother came over, then we unpacked a lil, i picked up Bevin (and we hugged forever) and we met Aunt Leeny and company and Uncle Joe and Alex for dinner. we re-located to LAGUNA in westbury b/c we couldn't get a table. we closed the restaurant. amazing first night back.

mother's day on sunday-the crew from the Italian family came down and aside from my getting a headache from the loud voice volume, we had a fantabulous dysfunctional day. today i woke up at 12:30, and loafed around pretty much all day. out to dinner, then back to watch the most amazing HOUSE episode of the season. seriously...AMBER? House's taste has gotten worse..Stacy and Cuddy are so much better for him.

i'm so happy to be back with the greatest people ever, but i really miss the other greatest people ever. i'm actually IM'ing with Claire right now and Rachel put a buttload of pictures up today and i realized how much i missed everyone. i know that it's only been two days but still...it's just weird to not get up and meet Claire in the hallway to go walk over to Jazzmans. it's weird to not yell over to Kaoru and Greg and tell them that They've Lost The Game. and at the same time, time just fell back into place here. i feel as though i've never left. the no schoolwork aspect, however, is pretty damn cool.

survey while listening to pieces that i have to recognize on the final.

Was your last kiss a mistake?
nah. it was cute.

When was the last time you cried really, really hard?
last thursday

Where is your father right now?
either putting the clamshell on our car or making dinner at home.

What do you think of your number 3 on your top friends?
she's only been my best friend since i was 5.

What is bothering you right now?
needing to see [H]ouse tonight in spite of having a final tomorrow, the song i'm listening to for said final (ah, the life of a music major), and not being able to find The Right Words.

Are you mad at anyone?
nah

Do you use big words?
lol yes

Have you ever been called a slut or 'man whore'?
as a joke, and probably behind my back during high school

Does your head hurt right now?
my ponytail is pulling but otherwise no

Wheres your ex right now?
state college, at least i think so.

Do you miss someone?
oh yes. everyone at home.

Have you ever injected a drug?
Nope

When was the last time you saw your father?
last Sunday (not yesterday, the one before that)

Look to your right, what is there?
phone, lipgloss, fortune from fortune cookie, two books, and my wallet.

Do you want to be in a relationship?
Yes!

Have any piercings or tattoos?
four holes per ear.

Do you fight with your parents often?
stupid fights with my mom every now and then, and when i fight with my dad it's usually a scream out. but neither one of those happen often at all.

Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
i actually don't remember...it's a Bon Jovi shirt

Have you ever been in a car accident?
lol...i crashed my parents' car twice

Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them?
i try hard not to "hate" people but i feel like i could now be friends with someone who i dislike.

Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
Mine (or Salve's, lol)

Do you think the whole day is better if you smoke pot?
No way

What are you looking forward to?
seeing my parents/Bevin/Gauri/Ari/Alex/Gina/Grandma

What is your mood right now?
sad + happy = lovesick.

What is the last movie that you watched?
Juno :-)

Why did your last relationship fail?
i felt like i wasn't being fair to him

Did you date anyone this summer?
No

Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
only like every day...i haven't given up hope sadly

Have you ever kissed someone 18 or older?
sadly no

Are there people you want to delete from your buddy-list but don't?
Probably

You still talk to the person who hurt you the most?
yup.

the best of both worlds (??)

things i am so excited for:
aimless drives. drive thru starbucks. ralph's at the last possile minute. my favorite choir. going to Church with my parents and singing with my favorite choir. patrolling the streets of locust valley. going into NYC on the spur of the moment. visiting people when they are so not expecting me to randomly pop up out of nowhere. going back to portledge. seeing teachers. portledge graduation and ari's graduation. cousin gatherings. directing GREASE. another summer of pottery. showing up at summer stock. TGI FRIDAYS. LAGUNA. watching HOUSE until my eyes fall out. BAYVILLE SWINGS. roosevelt field/walt whitman/broadway. CPK. sketchy gc movie theatre. AIDS WALK. VAN HALEN. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN. MY BABIESSS.

things and people i am not excited to leave:
our hallway spot. VERONICA MARS. mornings at jazzmans. JOAN DAVID. PAT HAWKRIDGE. good old stella, even with her dying hubcaps. Sunday night Mass. SKRANCHING it. endless movie saturday afternoons. wal-mart runs for no apparent reason. providence place. REMI'S. the trolley. achmed, the dead terrorist and jeff dunham in general. massive debates in skranch at odd hours of the afternoon. campus ministry meetings. MILEY MART runs. girl talks until 4am. OLD SCHOOL BSB. apple bottom jeans, boots wit da furrr. welcome to connecticut. sharing ipods on the RIPTA. dances in ochre court. st. clare nursing home. special olympics. movies in wakey. miley meals, despite the disgusting food. brick alley pub. the red parrot. yesterday's. LET'S GET CAUGHT. totino's pizza rolls. MO THE SHUTTLE DRIVER. complaining about NSS. and of course, "GRACIE WE'RE TAKING YOU OUT TO DINNER!!"

come to think of it, i am so so so lucky to have the best of both worlds. and only one aspect of the Salve world is going to dissapear. when i think of it that way, that particular aspect doesn't seem so daunting.

late night poetry :'-(

i can’t sleep anymore
i want to stay awake forever
and lose myself in everything you are.
as I stare into the night
stare at this blank screen
stare at your messages
at the last thing you said
and I remember
that I have such a short time
to be at your side.
these mood swings are killing me
they tear my hope apart
and then you put it back together
before reality has the chance
to tell me the bluntest truth.
i keep searching for the right words
to tell you just how much
i’ll miss you and how much I’ll notice
that you’re not around.
i’m too exhausted
physically and emotionally
and too scared
to find the words.

May flowers

there are exactly 8 days remaining in my freshman year of college. kind of crazy. no, really. my finals schedule worked out nicely and hopefully i won't lose any hair or need aderall.

apparently i need to "end everything well..." we will see.

ain't no mountain high enough
ain't no valley low enough
ain't no river wide enough
to keep me from gettin' to you babe.