all's well that ends well.

we can start out by saying that Hell Week was truly Hell Week. in the middle of rehearsals until midnight, shows beginning on Wednesday, and Mrs. Hawkridge's breakdown (and compared to other director breakdowns that i've witnessed, it wasn't too bad.) i had to figure out what classes i'm taking next semester, do a history presentation, have a bio test, have a calc test, have a spanish test, fill out random bio worksheets, do a portal paper, and do random portal readings. and Wednesday night i just lost it. and my parents got mad at me for the thing that is the opposite of what most parents get mad at their kids for--for stressing out and putting too much pressure on myself and for crying over a test that i may not have time to study for, and for not getting enough sleep and not eating healthy. i feel as though i'm in a big kunundrum--if i don't study because i simply wanted to get some sleep, the teacher would make me take the test anyway. so what are we getting graded on...who stays up the latest?? society seriously has it all wrong. nevertheless, i stayed up until 145 studying, the same time that i stayed up until all week. i got up early the next morning to study, and Dani quizzed me at lunch. i still didnt feel ready though. the test turned out alright, and i proved to myself what i keep trying to prove to the world--that nothing phases me. i got an A on my calc test and a 92 on my spanish test. booyah. (and Lily got a 95, and Kim got a 90. Senora Borrero called us the "A Club." )

thursday, however, was so, so much better. i decided to mend the fence with my dad, once Meg's ipod in the green room was playing "For Good" from Wicked. the part of the song that convinced me to make the call was "and just to clear the air, i ask forgiveness for the things you blame me for. but then i guess we know there's blame to share, and none of it seems to matter anymore." i thought about it. i'm a jerk. my dad's a jerk. and that's ok. we can be jerks together. and it really, really doesn't matter. because the bottom line is that i love my dad, so, so much. for many reasons. he works so hard to make enough money to send me to Salve (which really isn't cheap) and to buy me a car, and to randomly send me money when i want it, and to have kept a roof over my head for almost 19 (in 29 days) years. not everyone gets to go to Disney World all of the time, not everyone gets to go out to dinner all of the time, not everyone gets to call up their dads and say, "can u get me concert tickets from mr. so and so who you know at MSG," not everyone gets to go to a school where the teachers become Your Heroes. i'm not bragging, i swear. i just know that i'm very, very lucky. and it's all because of my dad. my life is not perfect. but i really am glad with the life i have and the friends that i have and with the numerous other people who have entered my life. i'm the one who makes my life difficult. the only problem is that i don't know how to fix it. i don't feel like i'm worth all this. the only way that i do is if i push myself into overdrive. apparently, that's immature. i thought being immature was going out drinking and partying when you should be studying. i never thought of studying too much as being immature. i always thought i was being responsible and beyond mature this way. i hate when you think you're doing everything right and all of a sudden, you come to believe that you've been doing everything wrong, for Your Entire Existance. however, i must say that i have amazing friends. i almost came apart again when i kept getting answers wrong (perhaps a function of a sum total of 18 hours of sleep for the week?) when Dani was quizzing me. Dani pretty much said, "out with it." then she and Ann told me that i'm doing too much. Dani pushed me to finish what i was studying. and i got through it, with her constantly reminding me that i was ready to take the bio test, and Ann making funny faces at me to remember certain sections of the test. Ann also mentioned that she never sees me, because we both do too much stuff. i love my friends. i honestly don't know what i'd do without Dani and Ann here.

once the bio test was over, and Senora Borrero forgave me for not having time to do my spanish homework, i was much happier. i also needed to solve another issue (which i've pretty much solved) and then something else really fantastic happened, with That Person Who I Want To Tell How I Feel About Him. no, i didnt tell him, but i think we're getting closer. and the fantastic cast of Maccers got a STANDING OVATION!! i also remembered all of Mrs. Hawkridge's notes from Wednesday...and i asked her about it later and she said it was perfect (!) this was, of course, after i buried the hatchet with my dad, who is actually feeling badly about the whole thing. i think i'm actually getting to accept that he does, in fact, love me.

today has been good. i got up a 7am (after a whopping 5 hours of sleep--i talked on AIM with Gauri until 1am....) and registered for my spring classes...I GOT INTO ALL OF MY CLASSES!!!! i think i am one of the only Salve students who was that fortunate. i went to coffee with Claire and then had an interesting portal class, went down to Carey Mansion to sign up to practice my song for the vocal recital with the piano player, ate lunch with Ann and Steph and Andrea (i have a class with Steph. yay!), went to the registrar's to sign up for mads and chorus for 0 credits so i'm only at 17 (fake credit overload, as i affectionately call it...) and then went to CVS and Stop & Shop with Kerri, where i realized the true difference between us...Kerri's arms were filled with frozen dinners, and mine were filled with...well, sugar. it was actually pretty funny.

now i'm so ridiculously excited.....because.....BEVIN WILL BE HERE IN 7.5 HOURS!!!!!! omg. we haven't seen each other in SIX WEEKS which is the longest we've ever gone. as Dani would say, SQUEE!

my OFFICIAL list of classes for next semester:

ENG 150/ What it Means to be Human- Dr. David (never heard of her...)
GST 112/ NSS- Ducha
MSC 221/Bach to Rock: Music 1750 to present- Dr. Day (supposed to be good! and this is the class i have with Steph.)
Individual Voice
Chorus
Mads
PSY 100/Intro to Psych- Dr. Martasian (yes, i made it into her class. i can't wait to have her.)
SPA 112/ Elementary Spanish II- Sra. Borrero
THE 102/ Intro to Acting and Improv- HAWKRIDGE!!!!

i kinda like the way next semester looks. :-)