highs and lows

i really wish i could think positively.

class averages to my estimation thus far:
portal: A.
history: between A- and A.
spanish: hopefully A-, if she counts participation as much as she says she does...
bio: A.
voice: B+?? should be better since its music...
calculus: B-. after today, we shall see. let's say calculus was that guy who shot House during the Season 2 Finale.... that's how much i hate it.
chorus and madrigals: what do we get graded on anyway??
NSS: see chorus and madrigals. but we did have a paper and i dont know what i got on it yet.

i'm honestly two people--rational gracie, who wants to go to bed earlier than 1:30 having not overstudied, who wants to start eating like a human being instead of a steam shovel, who wants a shower in the morning instead of at 1am, who speaks of the days of Mom instructing "you can't do every activity, something has to give," who responds to all of her emails from caring friends, who says that it's ok to get an 80 once and a while just as long as it's not due to poor effort, that it's okay not to be in the honors program, who wants to get laundry done and knows that it's not practical to do it less than once a week, who longs for a better, less rushed, more relaxed life, who is escentially the voice of reason. irrational gracie, on the other hand, can be a bitch when she doesn't get her way. an 80 is unacceptable. an hour of studying couldn't have been enough. she rarely wants to go sleep at night, she drinks 20 ounces of caffinated coffee a day, she pops dark chocolate for quick energy bursts, she frowns on socializing too much, she gets a high from going to rehearsal, studying for two tests, and doing bio homework--all in the same night. she doesn't respond to her emails because she can't hear the kind words that people are speaking about her. she proclaims to be an inviincible stoic but when her head hits the pillow at night, she realizes that she isn't as she emotionally cries as she looks up at the TV and listens to House tell Cuddy that she "can't think that everything is her fault unless she thinks that she is all powerful," and that she's "not happy unless everything is right, but too bad, nothing's ever right...the only thing is...you'lll never be happy." irrational gracie looks up and wants to come out of her hard-ass shell and give Cuddy a hug, because they are one and the same.

i'll stop being emo now, i promise. i am, however, pissed off about my spanish test. i thought it was easy. there was not a single A in the class. i was embarassed too, because i had an outburst in class once i received my grade of 80. this was followed by one last night, when i threw a book in rehearsal for cutting off Meg's (Lady Macbeth's) lines. i am such a perfectionist, idealist, yea you can come up with a few more choice words. but honestly, when five people out of 25 or say in a class fail the test, and there are no A's, maybe it could be because we never learned that "que" means "what" and not "who," or we didn't go over the exceptions to genders on articles. without that dumb test, i haven't got a grade below a 92 in spainsh. she does drop your lowest grade, but what if one day i get a 60 due to lack of sleep or just couldn't study after play practice? i know i'm flipping out. i just can't help myself.

on the bright side, the calc test was not that bad, and my voice lesson was cancelled today, so i went to my mailbox and saw that Dad sent me a letter, an old picture, and a very handsome piece of paper with Ulysses S. Grant stamped on it, along with the words "In God We Trust" so now...i'm officially UN-broke. lunch was supremely fun, and i can't wait for the halloween dance tomorrow, for which i'll be dressing up as...how ironic...Cuddy. and.....tomorrow's FRIDAY! yay, FRIDAY!!!!!

i really should do hw...then again, i'm not allowed to talk in portal anyway, remember? does it really matter? irrational gracie, that's your cue....