don't stop believing <3

hold on to that feeling!!

i don't ever if i've ever been more emotional in my life than i have in the past 48 hours. by emotional, i meen displaying such a range of extreme emotions. fortunately, they went from sad to scared to relieved to scared again to happy and fun to scared again to just content then a little sad again, but eventually ending at thrilled beyond belief.

1) on Friday, i was more nervous than i had ever been in my life...since this is an actual post and not song lyrics i guess i should explain. that person who i keep referring to finally knows. and he doesn't feel the same way. so i just took it brilliantly and avoided him like the plague, for all of wednesday and thursday. if you go back to my post on Thursday, i recognize that i need to stop the pity party and make things right again. Friday was going to be the day. i woke up on Friday, ready to pull the sheet over my head because i was so not ready to face him. i walked around nervous the whole day, shaking with my heart beating out of my chest. i actually wished that i had a test on Friday because that would be easier than this. i had a stomachache and i sat in the bathroom trying to convince myself that i could do this, but eventually, after many phone calls to my mother and lots of pump-up songs, i decided that this was do or die time. and i did it. and we're friends. unfortunately, i haven't given up hope. but i'm so, so happy that he's not out of my life. we really do have a lot to talk about. more than anything i was relieved. the only experience that scared me more was actually going away to college.

2)on Friday night, i went to Prov with Rachel and Claire...and this was my first clubbing experience. yes, i know, 19 and never been to a club? well now that's changed. we went to Remi's, which was actually a lot of fun aside from the rain on the way there. the bus ride back, however, may have been one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life, complete with Roger Williams kids marching off the bus yelling "SALVE SUCKS!!" Rachel gave them a piece of her mind. i sat there praying. the icing on the cake was Dani picking us up at 2am after we couldn't get the cab company and after a really disturbing encounter. Oy.

3) on Saturday i took Dani out to lunch at Yesterday's to thank her for picking us up. we got her car, Stella, looked at and we went to wal-mart. i went back to Miley, expecting a movie night at 7:15 with Rachel, Claire, and K....but no, that was SO not what was happening. i had told Claire and Rachel that March would be a very important milestone for me and that Jamie wanted me to celebrate it. i didn't know that they were the ones doing all the planning! K and I took the shuttle down to Reefe and waited for Rachel to let us in.......and then we were greeted by Rachel, Claire, Megan, and Dani, all screaming. "We're taking you out to dinner!" they exclaimed. i had tears in my eyes...my friends rock my universe and everyone else's too. K had kept the secret from me, and Dani had kept it all day on Saturday. we went to the Red Parrot and i had the biggest ice cream sundae i'd ever seen in my life. afterward i went back to Rachels and we watched some veronica mars and chillaxed, then i spent 2 hours on the phone with Michelle.

i spent most of the day today reveling in the weekend. i am so, so lucky. and i can't ever give up hope again, even under the circumstances of unrequited love. and.......i'm going HOME in 3 days!!!!!!!!!!!!